As far as my knitting projects go, I've admittedly let some of them slide. The Caterpillar draft stopper is now looking like its going to be a St. Patrick's day gift than a Christmas gift....ugh. I've found that this is honestly much more difficult than I thought it was going to be. I came up with the idea of just knitting several "balls" from the "Oh, Balls" pattern by "I Like Lemons" (http://i-like-lemons.blogspot.com/2008/02/knit-balls.html) but it seems like my knitting skills aren't up to par...my "balls" arent' nice and round, and all have a pointy end. I just need to work on my I-cords, I guess.
Another thing that seems to recharge my emotional battery, aside from shopping for pants and knitting catterpillars, is going to church. Not to sound like an old lady, but it honestly calms me down and just makes me feel more focused during the week if I regularly attend Mass.
This week's gospel was Matthew, 5:13-16.
Jesus said to his disciples:
“You are the salt of the earth.
But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned?
It is no longer good for anything
but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
You are the light of the world.
A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket;
it is set on a lampstand,
where it gives light to all in the house.
Just so, your light must shine before others,
that they may see your good deeds
and glorify your heavenly Father.”
I can't speak for all Catholic women, but I know that when I was younger I was often taught in CCD and in my Catechism as a teenager that I was to emulate various women from the Bible and various Saints: St. Therese of Lisieux, Mary the mother of Jesus and Queen Ethster, to name a few. Humility, Obedience, Kindness, Gentleness, and Purity were what we were to learn from them, among other things.
St. Therese of Lisieux was often brought up to me personally by my priest and youth minister; those of you reading this who knew me as a teenager knew quite well that humility and meekness were NOT exactly my style, and still aren't, for that matter.
As well meaning as my Priest was (just a quick note: of all of the priests I've met, this guy was hands down my favorite. I will always think of this guy as my spiritual guide, confidante and surrogate father figure, and he has helped me through some incredibly difficult times. This guy is awesome, although there were several things that he and I did not agree upon, but that's a post for another day.), an unintended consequence of my emulating the Little Flower of God is a feeling of unending bbbblllllllllaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. I felt boring, tasteless, dim, and a little bit helpless and confused...was I so spiritually flawed because I didn't like being meek?
This week's gospel answers that question for me, and affected me enough that I felt I had to post it. I was not made to not share the gifts that God has given me. I was made to put them out there for his glorification. I was not meant to be bland and tasteless, I was meant to be the salt and the light of the world.
I'll be the first to admit that my ego has gotten me into trouble. I've lost relationships, missed some opportunities, and royally messed up my fair share of life due to my pride.
However, I know that my attitude and the pride I put into myself and into whatever I do has also taken me to some amazing places. I know that if I am going to do something, I am going to do it WELL, dammit! This has lead me to recieving a substantial scholarship for my singing, acceptance into college, the ability to make borsht, a nice looking bedroom and apartment, and the ability to knit things that don't look like something you find in your grandmother's basement.
I might be taking this weeks' gospel the wrong way, but in any case, it has given me a great deal of comfort...if that's the correct word. My deeds in this life might not always be good, and I'm probably one of the worst Catholics I know...my version of apologetics in defending the church is to flip the bird and say, "DONT MAKE FUN OF MY RELIGION, FATA**!" ala Kyle Broflovski. But dammit, I will share and will do what I know that I can do well to make this world better for my brothers and sisters in Christ.
God Bless, folks. <3