Haiku Friday. Bianca Giaever is my new woman-crush.

From the mouths of babes
Oft times comes really solid
Wisdom and Advice.



the Scared is scared from Bianca Giaever on Vimeo.

Haiku Friday: In which I receive muffin mixes in exchange for poetry

Image found here: http://hdw.eweb4.com/out/614283.html

Apparently, Readers, it is possible for one to get muffin mixes in exchange for poetry. Who knew?

Two Saturday mornings ago, I was making pancakes for my husband. We were both nursing pounding headaches after a night of over-indulgence, so my usual Better Homes and Gardens recipe for pancakes wasn't going to work. So, I opened my cupboard, grabbed a box of Jiffy blueberry muffin mix, and made the world's easiest blueberry pancakes.

They were quite yummeh.

We sat there, two hungover people, chewing on our breakfast, when I decided that I was so very grateful for these ridiculously easy pancakes that I simply HAD to share my gratitude with Jiffy.

"John".

"Mph?"

"These are f---ing good pancakes".

"Yes. Yes these are f---ing good pancakes."

"Not bad for only five minutes of work."

"Nope."

"I'ma write these people a haiku".

"...mkay."

I went onto Jiffy's website, and sent them a haiku via their customer service message thingamabopper.

About an hour later, I received this email reply:

Hello Jacqueline,

Thank you for visiting our website and for your kind remarks about our “JIFFY”mixes.  It was thoughtful of you to take the time to contact us.  We are delighted to know that you think so highly of our products.

In appreciation of your contact, we are sending you a copy of our Hospitality in a“JIFFY” recipe book.  Under separate cover, we are sending you a gift package containing an assortment of our “JIFFY” mixes, which we hope you will use and enjoy with our compliments.  Please allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

Didja hear that, Readers? THEY WERE DELIGHTED! 

Sure enough, about a week and half later, we got a package of mixes and a cookbook in the mail. 

Oh yes. 

I seem to have good luck when it comes to contacting customer service. Is this some kind of innate gift? 

Or a superpower? 

I dunno, Readers, but below is the infamous haiku that got me four boxes muffin mix: 

Jiffy Muffin Mix

Makes the Universe's Best

Hangover Pancakes 

Until next time, Readers! 

Haiku Friday: Ode to a huge yarn stash

Pile of woolen knots,
Frustration yields to pure joy
My lovely yarn stash!

Thus begins, Readers, the year of Using Up the Stash. Or, project UUtS for short. We will begin this great journey by taking inventory of the infamous Almighty Yarn Stash:

Here it is, in all its yarn-y glory.

I've divided the Almighty Stash into subgroups, based on yarn weight and material:

All Red Heart brand acrylic. 

1. The Acrylics.  The lime green and black are leftover from my Space Invaders blanket, and the pine green and white are leftover from the Christmas stocking I posted last week. I'll be using up more of the pine green and white for the second stocking (the pine green will be the main color), so that's ONE project. As for the lime green and black, I'm thinking that that is defiantly a WUA project. The space invaders are making a comeback, in the way of an afghan fragment!

2. Bulky Weight. These yarns are mostly alpaca and wool blends. I received most of these as a gift from one of my friends at my bridal shower; I still don't really have a plan for them just yet, but I'm kicking around the idea of an ear-flap hat. I love how soft these ones are!

3. Dishcloth cotton and my right knee. Brace yourselves...I'll be making...*gasp* DISHCLOTHS!

4: Silks. Here we have my small collection of bamboo blends and silk blends. The red-ish ball of yarn on the left is actually made up of whats leftover from manufacturing silk scarves. I have no idea what exactly I'm going to use these for; the chances are good that these will make their way into a WUA blanket piece.

5: Lace-Weight materials. The largest (and, if you can believe it, most expensive) chunk of my stash: my collection of lace-weight thread. I've got a good mix of (organic) cotton, acrylic, silk, alpaca, wool, and bamboo. In addition to making snowflakes, I'm going to be making some doilies; the largest most complicated ones I can find! I really want to focus on my lace-making skills this year!

6: Mercerized Cotton. This is my collection of mercerized cotton (cotton that's been dipped in sodium hydroxide to make it stronger and shinier), leftover from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cushion. I've been making some granny squares with some of it...but I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with the granny squares once their finished. Perhaps I can make a bag, or a grocery tote? I tried doing a dishcloth with this once, but it turned out TERRIBLE...this kind of cotton doesn't absorb water very well! Not very useful as a dishcloth at all!

Yikes, I need to re-wind the red superwash wool! 

7: Wools. Here we have my wool/alpaca stash. Once I get that tangled mess of red yarn taken care of, I'll probably use most (if not all) of these for WUA projects. Perhaps I can whip out a pair of mittens with the grey wool, too.

Last but not least:

8: Sock yarn. Here we have my sock yarn, all of it Cascade Heritage Sock yarn in various colors. Believe it or not, I've had better luck knitting mittens from this than socks! I have a pair of mittens in the works with the black, and once those are finished, I'll be making various stripey things with the rest.




Whew!

A plan for the use of these yarns can be expected within the next week Readers! Stay tuned!

Haiku Friday: Resolutions

All I can say is
After hustle and bustle,
It's good to be back!

A new year has begun, Readers! 2013 brings us new places to go, people to meet, goals to fulfill, skills to be learned, and dreams to be dreamed!

I wanted to show off a project that I FINALLY finished (albeit several days late!)

I knit our first Christmas stocking! A matched one (with contrasting colors) will be in the works, but I have about a gazillion other projects (2 pairs of knit mittens, one for mah hubbeh and one for a co-worker. Plus, I've got a lace beret for myself in the works) that I really want to finish first. This pattern is a fairly quick/easy knit for anyone who has had experience in knitting socks, I HIGHLY recommend it!

It's official: I have a crush on Nordic fair isle.

Well, Readers, 'tis the season for New Years' Resolutions!

This year, my new year's resolution is less of a resolution and more of a project: since my yarn stash has officially reached ludicrous status (my yarn-storage-thing is COMPLETELY full along with another storage container), I have resolved to...drum roll please...

NOT BUY ANY MORE YARN UNTIL MY STASH IS EMPTY!

That's right, Readers! No more yarn-store clearance sale binges for the ol' Orb Weaver!

I will be taking inventory of the almighty Yarn Hoard during the coming week and will be making (somewhat) of a plan in regards to using it all up. As I said above, I have a few projects in the works: another knit stocking (same pattern, flipped colors), a pair of finger-less mitts for my husband and a co-worker, and a lace beret for myself.

There are several charities that are looking for knitters who are willing to whip out their needles at a moment's notice: I've knit some miniature stockings for Operation Holiday Stockings in the past, that has always been a good stash-buster:

http://operationholidaystockings.com/

In addition to Operation Holiday Stockings, I'm seriously thinking of knitting/crocheting some squares/infant hats for Warm Up America:

http://www.craftyarncouncil.com/aboutWUA.html

WUA is a program where knitters/crocheters make 7X9 rectangles, that are then sewn together to make warm blankets for those in need! Knitters/Crocheters, I would IMPLORE you to check these fabulous people out!

Day 1 begins tommorow! We'll see how long I can last before I find myself clawing at my local yarn's stores door, screaming for my cashmere fix.

Perhaps the large ball of barely-used organic wool in my stash can take the edge off.

Toodles!

From our hearts to yours

Image found here: http://pictureperfectgallery.net/holidays-wallpaers/real-christmas-tree-in-snow.html

Did you ever hear the story of the Christmas tree
Who just didn't want to change the show?
He liked living in the woods and playing with squirrels,
He liked icicles and snow.

He liked wolves and eagles and grizzly bears,
And critters and creatures that crawled
Why, bugs were some of his very best friends!
(Spiders and ants and all).

Now that's not to say that he ever looked down
On a vision of twinkled lights
Or on mirrored bubbles and peppermint canes
And a thousand other delights

And he often had dreams of tiny reindeer
And a jolly old man in a sleigh
Full of toys and presents and wonderful things
And a story of Christmas day

Oh, Alfie believed in Christmas alright!
He was full of Christmas cheer!
All of each and every day,
And all throughout the year!

To him it was more than a special time,
Much more than a special day
It was more than a special story, it was more than a beautiful story
It was a special kind of way.

You see, some folks have never heard a jingle bell ring
And they've never heard of Santa Claus;
They've never heard the story of the son of god
That made Alfie pause.

Did that mean that they'd never know of peace on earth
Or the brotherhood of man?
Or know how to love, or know how to give?
If they can't, no one can.

You see, life is a very special kind of thing,
Not just for a chosen few,
But for each and every living, breathing thing
Not just me and you.

So when you're at Christmas prayers this year
Alfie asked me if I'd ask you
Say a prayer for the wind and the water and the wood
And those who live there too.

A very merry Christmas from my heart to yours, Readers! 

Musings of a former grocery store clerk during Christmas

I always get a little bit nostalgic, Readers, when I do my grocery shopping at Quality Food Centers (who, Readers, I promise, did not pay me to write the following post).

I worked part time at a QFC for about two years. It's amazing what skills and personality quirks one can pick up from working in a food/retail environment; during my stint as a bakery clerk I learned how to use a multi-line phone, how to make little roses out of icing, got into the habit of wiping down every surface of my kitchen after cooking, and had developed a working knowledge of the phonetic alphabet ("Sure, Ma'am, I'd be happy to write on that cake! Now, the birthday girl's name is Mary spelled M as in Mike, A as in Alpha, R as in Romeo, Y as in Yankee?").

During a recent shopping trip, I was reminded of another little "quirk" I developed during my years behind the bakery counter: I almost always instinctively roll my eyes whenever anyone mentions the so-called "War on Christmas".

'I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER! MY RELIGIOUS RIGHTS ARE BEING REPRESSED!' Image found here: 

http://www.wingwire.com/comments/kquinn/null/73323

It seems as if mentioning Christmas is a bit less taboo lately than it was in years past; Target, Wal-Mart, and other retail establishments seem to be abandoning the "Happy Holiday" blanket greeting. Not all establishments are getting rid of the dreaded H words, and as we all know from FOX news, there are a few Angry Shreiking Christmas Crusaders out there who are NOT happy about it. Unfortunately for me and my former co-workers, QFC was one of those companies that encouraged the "Happy Holidays" greeting and still does, as far as I know.

I have to give my (former) managers a lot of credit here: they anticipated that this might bring some problems with customers and were able to deal with those problems quickly and gracefully. In addition, they did a fairly good job of nipping any potential tension in the bud:  for example, employees at our store were allowed to say "Merry Christmas" to a customer IF THE CUSTOMER SAID "MERRY CHRISTMAS" FIRST. That practice alone diffused most of the potential Angry Shreiking Christmas Crusaders; although if a HARDCORE  Angry Shreiking Christmas Crusader (which we got every now and again) wished to make their presence known, they'd throw a fit no matter WHAT we said.

I did get a few ASCCs while I was working at the bakery counter. Mostly, this was not because of me saying the dreaded "H.H." words but because the music we were playing in the store didn't include any religious Christmas carols (why anyone would think complaining to the bakery clerk would make "Joy To the World" play over the PA system is beyond me). I learned VERY quickly to just smile apologetically and nod as the ASCC would aimlessly rant about how corporations are stealing their "right to be faithful" (as one memorable customer put it). Even then, I knew that it would be MUCH easier for me and for everyone else in the store if I just let these trolls have their moment of deluded self-righteousness and get on with my duties.

A very wise person once said that silence is the best response to a fool.

I believe Rachel Held Evans says it best: When somebody decides to throw a tantrum because some overworked temp working the cash register at *insert retail establishment* says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", they are doing nothing to bring Christ's message to the world. In reality, they are just making themselves look like a spoiled toddler who had their favorite toy taken away.

Readers, God has given us the greatest gift that any of us could ever hope to receive. We have been given our ETERNAL SALVATION. We have been given the gift of our GOD INCARNATE. But, for so many of my Christian brothers and sisters, it isn't enough. Rachel Held Evans puts it beautifully:

Suddenly it’s not enough that Americans spend millions of dollars each year marking the birth of Jesus. Now we’ve got to have a “Merry Christmas” banner in front of every parade and an inflatable manger scene outside of every courthouse... or else we’ll make a big stink about it in the name of Jesus.  Having opened the gift of the incarnation—of God with us—we’ve peered inside and shrieked, “This is not enough!  Where are the accessories? We want more!” 

When our Lord and Savior said, "Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be Done on Earth as it is in Heaven", I don't think he had religious music playing at the supermarket in mind.

People saying "Happy Holidays" is not taking Christ out of Christmas. You want to know what is taking our Lord and Savior out of Christmas more than anything else, Readers?

Being a dick.

So don't be a dick this Christmas, Readers. When you're out doing your shopping, be mindful of those who are working to help you. We are not actively trying to destroy Christianity, we're just trying to do our jobs without getting complaints from corporate.

Be nice to retail employees during this time of year, Readers. They have to put up with a LOT of abuse and overt stupidity.

Americans spend millions and millions of dollars marking the birth of Jesus every year, Readers.

Perhaps we should focus less on Christ's birth, and focus more on what Christ taught us:

Love your neighbor.
Love your enemies.
Turn the other cheek.
Blessed are the Meek and Humble.


In short, Don't be a Dick.

It's that time of year again!

Readers, it's that time of year again!

http://www.pikemarketseniorcenter.org/figgy-pudding

Tomorrow is the Great Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition! 

I am yet again directing a group of singing lawyers/administrative staff, and we will be caroling at the Westlake Center tomorrow starting at 6:15! We are raising funds for the Pike Place Market Senior Center and Food Bank! If you are in the Seattle area, please, come on down and immerse yourselves in Christmas Cheer! 

Image found here: http://www.pikemarketseniorcenter.org/figgy-pudding

Readers, if you find yourselves unable to attend the contest, please, PLEASE consider donating. The need for assistance and resources for seniors is now greater than ever, and financial support has been diminishing with the uncertain economic climate. Please, PLEASE support your local senior citizens! 

While I'm on the topic of charitable giving, I  wanted to give a shameless plug to one of my favorite charities, World Vision: 

http://www.wvi.org/wvi/wviweb.nsf

My husband and I have been giving gifts to friends and family through the World Vision gift catalog for the past two years! Last year, we bought my parents a goat (that was sent to a needy family). It came with an adorable plushie. It was pretty awesome. 

In addition to getting gifts for friends and family from the World Vision gift catalog (This year, we're probably going to split our donation between providing vaccinations and small business loans), the hubs and I are going to sponsor a child. We are very excited! 

The need for financial assistance is greater than ever, Readers, but there is also a great need for time and talent! If you are unable to give a financial gift to those less fortunate, please consider giving your time! Volunteer! 

http://www.flashvolunteer.org/neighborhoods

Now more than ever, Readers, the world needs our three "T's"; our Time, our Talent, and our Treasure! 

Until next time!